12:30am

Well, it's 12:30am and apparently both my mind and body feel like I just had a cup of coffee. In reality, its been about 15 hrs since I had coffee this morning....


So, since it's 12:30am and I can't seem to wind down, I thought I might catch up on this here blog. It has been awhile.


What's better than an old fashioned 'random thoughts' post??


1. It's hot outside. I know it's Texas, and that is to be expected, but for some reason the heat seems to be much worse, and has come much earlier, than expected.


2. Is it really the middle (almost end) of June?? 2011?? Crazy.


3. Speaking of June....I turned 25 this month. That's a quarter of a century old. Not quite sure how I feel about this one yet.


4. This verse really spoke to me when I read it a couple weeks ago. I've been thinking on it ever since. ‎"This God—his way is perfect; the word of the LORD proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him." 2 Samuel 22:31


5. I can't seem to make it to work on time nowadays. It's an issue. Sometimes it's only a couple minutes...but other times it can be 15-20 minutes. What is wrong with me?? Oh right, I stink at getting up in the mornings. That's it. Good thing it's not a big deal if I'm a little late, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't work on it and actually attempt to get to work on time.


6. Teaching 3 year olds in Sunday school can be very entertaining at times. Especially when they talk about how God sent Batman to save us all....


7. Father's day was Sunday. I have the best father in the world. Couldn't ask for a more selfless and loving person to call my dad!!


8. I got a new phone and I successfully avoided the iphone cult! Victory is mine. Sara: 1 Apple: 0


9. I think the non-existent coffee is wearing off....so I will leave it at that and hopefully get to bed....


It was nice catching up, blog. Sorry I neglected you.

CHANGE

Oh, Change...you are weird. I loathe you...yet desire you at the same time....

If you know me well, you know I hate change. I know some people that embrace it, and even thrive off it....but that's not me. Even when the particular change looks like it's a positive change....there is still the "unknown" aspect of change that I hate. I like to know what to expect everyday. I like the familiar. I don't like not knowing what things will look like, how things will be, etc.

I have to constantly remind myself that even if something changes....it doesn't mean it's the end of the world. Sometimes it can be the smallest change ever and my mind will automatically go to the worst possible scenario where there is only a 1% change of it ever happening. I just hate change. Plain and simple.

And yet it's not so plain and simple, because in the same breathe that I say I hate change....I also desire it. I don't want to be the same person now that I was 5 years ago and I don't want to the be the same person in 5 years that I am now. I want to change. I want to be constantly changing and transforming to become more Christ-like.

Even in the midst of my hatred of change (which is obviously still a work in progress...), I have faith and trust in something that I don't have to worry about changing. A God that will be with me while I wrestle with the idea of change and a God that will be with me as I strive to be changed and transformed. A God that I can always put my faith and trust in....knowing that He is good. A God that never changes.

"You Hold Me Now"

On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace

All my fears swept away
In the light of Your embrace
Where Your love is all I need
And forever I am free

Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence healed and whole
Let the songs of heaven
Rise to You alone


No weeping no hurt or pain
No suffering
You hold me now
You hold me now

No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding
You hold me now
You hold me now

In this life I will stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fails

Where Your Name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your Name

I'm believing for the day
Where the wars and violence cease
All creation lives in peace
Let the songs of heaven
Rise to You alone

For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your Name

"You Hold Me Now" - Hillsong



The first time I heard this song, it struck a major chord inside me. I remember being in church and just crying. It was a few years ago and I had just graduated college and moved back to Dallas. I was miles away from all my closest friends, had started a full-time social work job, and was struggling to make sense of everything. And lets just be honest everyone....this transition from college to the "real world" was not the easiest. Even though I was going through my own struggles, none of them compared to what I saw on a daily basis at work. I had just started working with foster children and had entered into this very real world where everyday I saw firsthand the pain and suffering that all of these kids were going through. Things that most of us can't even imagine. I had seen pain and suffering before, but not for 8-10 hours a day...every day...day in and day out. As I listened to this song, it gave me hope. It gave me hope for those children...for everyone in the world in pain and those who are suffering. One day we will be in heaven and there will be NO pain. No weeping. No suffering. No sickness. No darkness. Only rejoicing. And until then...the Lord is here to hold us and comfort us and give us strength to make it through.

I heard this song again at church this past weekend...and again it hit me hard. Pain and suffering is everywhere. In our lives, in our friends' lives....and shoot, just turn on the news and it's everywhere. But we have something that the darkness can't take away....we have a promise from a faithful God that it won't always be that way. We have a hope that never fails.

10 random ways you can tell I'm getting old....

1. i used to stay up until 3am like it was no big deal. now im lucky if i make it past 10:30pm, and even if i try my hardest, it's almost physically impossible to make it to midnight.



2. i actually choose to go to the early service at church.



3. i'm going on a "business trip" next week......missouri. plane. hotel. rental car. and by myself. who am i??

4. i got way too excited this month when my electricity bill was only $39.

5. i use the phrase "back in the day" referring to things that happened in college.

6. i love watching documentaries. thank you, netflix. don't judge.

7. my mind has finally switched from thinking about time in the form of semesters and is now thinking through life based on an actual calendar year.

8. my friends are having babies. not just family, but friends...that are my age. having babies.

9. i get stressed when i think about the amount of miles i've put on my car over the past 2 years. lame, i know.

10. i just realized that this post about being old also makes me sound quite lame...which in turn, is another random way you can tell i'm getting old...

random reasons why i LOVED my vacation....

1. levi's first bday party! the party was a rockstar theme, and let me tell you...he was sure a rockstar - blue mohawk and all! my camera broke halfway through his party so I dont have any pictures at the moment, but when it is fixed, i will surely post one!

2. i was able to have breakfast with my dear friend ashley (i would put a link to her blog here if i knew how...) and finally got to meet her little girl!! our time together never disappoints. a year is way too long to go without seeing eachother!!

3. picture taking with this little man at the pumpkin patch....i dont think he could be any cuter if he tried...

4. COLORADO to visit one of my best friends. such a sweet time together and can we just talk about how beautiful colorado is?? the weather was perfect and the mountains were amazing!

5. flying. airports. airplanes. i love everything about traveling in the air. i love it for many reasons. one of the many reasons being that airports are GREAT people watching places. love it.

6. having a full 7 days without having to think about work!! im going to pay for it next week, but it was completely worth it!

7. haircut! its nothing drastically different, but the length was driving me crazy so i was very happy to finally have time to go get some inches chopped off!

8. lazy sunday. even though my vacation was fantastic, there wasn't much time for relaxing. so on my last day of vacation, that's exactly what i did...relax... in a hoodie (not that it's cold outside, but it sure is comfortable), watching Friends, reading a book, and drinking chai.

Random things to ponder...

1. Beds. why do they make them so darn comfortable? Comfortable beds are not very conducive to getting up in the morning....which we all have to do every day of our lives.



2. Weather. texas weather to be exact. it has been beautiful outside lately...but i'm not getting my hopes up of it staying around, because knowing Texas...it could be back to 100 degrees in 2 days.



3. October. just sit on that one for awhile. is it really october already??



4. Time. time is weird. you can be thinking of a certain moment and it can feel like it happened yesterday, while at the same time feel like it was a million years ago. how is that even possible?



5. Pregnancy. i've been around a lot of pregnant ladies over the last 2 yrs. several family members. several friends. several co-workers. so i have learned a lot of the ins and outs of being pregnant, body changes, giving birth, etc. i know a lot of women find pregnancy great...but right now, it just creeps me out a little. dont judge...i'm just being honest here.



I think that's enough pondering for tonight...more to come I'm sure.

Random thoughts from the last month and a half...

So i havent been great about keeping up with this blog, but to take it back to its roots...here is just a plain ol' list of random thoughts...



1. it has been SO freakin hot lately! now, if i were getting a tan out of this deal, i might not be as annoyed. however, i havent been able to be in the sun all that much so im still white and ready for winter. i mean seriously, 11 days and counting of tempatures over 100 and there is no end in sight. i say that's a little excessive.



2. its hard working in adoptions and not wanting to adopt EVERY single child. if i turn up with 10 kids in the near future, know to blame it on the job...



3. i have 8 more days of vacation for the year, so i picked a random week in October to take off work. it would be an understatement to say that i was excited about a week off. there are about 1,302 things i want to do and about 3,201 places i want to travel to that week. somehow i dont think i will get to all of them....i guess i will have to settle for a select few!



4. grad school or no grad school? that is the question.



5. God's love - just think on it and it will blow your mind.