CHANGE

Oh, Change...you are weird. I loathe you...yet desire you at the same time....

If you know me well, you know I hate change. I know some people that embrace it, and even thrive off it....but that's not me. Even when the particular change looks like it's a positive change....there is still the "unknown" aspect of change that I hate. I like to know what to expect everyday. I like the familiar. I don't like not knowing what things will look like, how things will be, etc.

I have to constantly remind myself that even if something changes....it doesn't mean it's the end of the world. Sometimes it can be the smallest change ever and my mind will automatically go to the worst possible scenario where there is only a 1% change of it ever happening. I just hate change. Plain and simple.

And yet it's not so plain and simple, because in the same breathe that I say I hate change....I also desire it. I don't want to be the same person now that I was 5 years ago and I don't want to the be the same person in 5 years that I am now. I want to change. I want to be constantly changing and transforming to become more Christ-like.

Even in the midst of my hatred of change (which is obviously still a work in progress...), I have faith and trust in something that I don't have to worry about changing. A God that will be with me while I wrestle with the idea of change and a God that will be with me as I strive to be changed and transformed. A God that I can always put my faith and trust in....knowing that He is good. A God that never changes.

"You Hold Me Now"

On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace

All my fears swept away
In the light of Your embrace
Where Your love is all I need
And forever I am free

Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence healed and whole
Let the songs of heaven
Rise to You alone


No weeping no hurt or pain
No suffering
You hold me now
You hold me now

No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding
You hold me now
You hold me now

In this life I will stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fails

Where Your Name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your Name

I'm believing for the day
Where the wars and violence cease
All creation lives in peace
Let the songs of heaven
Rise to You alone

For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your Name

"You Hold Me Now" - Hillsong



The first time I heard this song, it struck a major chord inside me. I remember being in church and just crying. It was a few years ago and I had just graduated college and moved back to Dallas. I was miles away from all my closest friends, had started a full-time social work job, and was struggling to make sense of everything. And lets just be honest everyone....this transition from college to the "real world" was not the easiest. Even though I was going through my own struggles, none of them compared to what I saw on a daily basis at work. I had just started working with foster children and had entered into this very real world where everyday I saw firsthand the pain and suffering that all of these kids were going through. Things that most of us can't even imagine. I had seen pain and suffering before, but not for 8-10 hours a day...every day...day in and day out. As I listened to this song, it gave me hope. It gave me hope for those children...for everyone in the world in pain and those who are suffering. One day we will be in heaven and there will be NO pain. No weeping. No suffering. No sickness. No darkness. Only rejoicing. And until then...the Lord is here to hold us and comfort us and give us strength to make it through.

I heard this song again at church this past weekend...and again it hit me hard. Pain and suffering is everywhere. In our lives, in our friends' lives....and shoot, just turn on the news and it's everywhere. But we have something that the darkness can't take away....we have a promise from a faithful God that it won't always be that way. We have a hope that never fails.