CHANGE

Oh, Change...you are weird. I loathe you...yet desire you at the same time....

If you know me well, you know I hate change. I know some people that embrace it, and even thrive off it....but that's not me. Even when the particular change looks like it's a positive change....there is still the "unknown" aspect of change that I hate. I like to know what to expect everyday. I like the familiar. I don't like not knowing what things will look like, how things will be, etc.

I have to constantly remind myself that even if something changes....it doesn't mean it's the end of the world. Sometimes it can be the smallest change ever and my mind will automatically go to the worst possible scenario where there is only a 1% change of it ever happening. I just hate change. Plain and simple.

And yet it's not so plain and simple, because in the same breathe that I say I hate change....I also desire it. I don't want to be the same person now that I was 5 years ago and I don't want to the be the same person in 5 years that I am now. I want to change. I want to be constantly changing and transforming to become more Christ-like.

Even in the midst of my hatred of change (which is obviously still a work in progress...), I have faith and trust in something that I don't have to worry about changing. A God that will be with me while I wrestle with the idea of change and a God that will be with me as I strive to be changed and transformed. A God that I can always put my faith and trust in....knowing that He is good. A God that never changes.